Humility.

This morning I woke up singing.  Well, humming rather as most of the house was still asleep.  Through out my shower and getting ready for church, while I prepared the pot roast in the crockpot that was supposed to be lunch but has now turned into supper, the same song I sang over and over and over ...

The sun comes up, it's a new day dawning
It's time to sing Your song again
Whatever may pass and whatever lies before me
Let me be singing when the evening comes

Bless the Lord, O my soul
O my soul
Worship His holy name
Sing like never before
O my soul
I'll worship Your holy name

The morning went on.  My $7 Cover Girl blush fell on the bathroom floor and shattered.  I couldn't find anything to wear in a closet full of clothes.  The 16 year old ate pizza for breakfast.  The 18 year old was in a grumpy mood.  We loaded up the truck and headed to church - but not without stopping for $3-a-can Energy Coffee drinks.  You just can't do worship without Starbucks.  Both kids had their iPods blaring through their ear buds and their smart phones were constantly buzzing with incoming texts. I posted a pretty clever status on my Facebook about how in love I am and shared with Instagram-land the afore-mentioned pot roast.  The seat warmers in the truck were of course on and  I fished through my name-brand bag for some lotion.

I was completely unsuspecting.

We sit in the back row, left of the aisle, left side of the pew.  I like our church.  A lot.  I'm new there of course, and every Sunday I really enjoy the message.  We go to a charming Baptist church in the middle of nowhere.  We drive up and down the land to get there, through the forests and winding roads.  It takes us about 30 minutes, but my favorite part of the trip is right before we get to church.  We hit prairie.  Complete with wheat.  And cows.  It's my Kansas in Alabama.

We sat down about 60 seconds before the music started.  First a chord.  Then a second.  And before I knew it, tears.

Bless the Lord, O my soul
O my soul
Worship His holy name
Sing like never before
O my soul
I'll worship Your holy name
It was like God and I's little secret.  If we had "a song", I would call up Delilah and request this one.  I don't know why the God of the Universe decided to speak so clearly to little old me today, but I am so glad He did.

Our church is focuing on Missions this month.  This morning we had a guest speaker who recently went on a missions trip to Swaziland Africa.  I've always been drawn to Missions, but could never quite figure out the HOW part.  I've got a passion for the world; to see the world.  It bothers me to the core that there are shadows and corners on this planet that I'll never see.  Sure, I'm willing and able to help out HERE, but my heart desperately wants to be THERE. 

I guess this morning God needed to get my attention and in a big way.  I'm pretty sure every single string in my heart was tugged on.  It surprised me how with every direction the two messages we heard went in, God was in my head ... "LISTEN."  "THIS IS FOR YOU."  "PAY ATTENTION."

The woman who spoke this morning had pictures.  I love seeing as much as I love hearing.  Her group went with many purposes but she helped serve the orphans. 

Oh, the "o" word.  We've seen them, read about them, learned about them.  But this morning, I grieved for them. 

I have been given a slim chance of ever being able to conceive.  Born only ever wanting to be a Mother, and it's unlikely I will ever be.  Because of my infertility, I've met incredible women.  I have a circle of sisters who have known and have seen the lowest of lows and the highest of highs.  Though many of them have since become Mothers either through pregnancy or adoption, we all have an unbreakable bond. 

So this morning, when the pictures of the children started to play, I thought of my sisters.  I thought of myself.  I wanted to run to Swaziland Africa and gather them all up and bring them home to us.  There are over 250,000 orphans in Swaziland.  Their parents, mostly teenagers, die of AIDS.  Babies being carried on their 7 year old sibling's back.  They come out of the field, she said.  They come running for love. 

They know absolutely nothing of make-up or soccer balls or Dr. Peppers or reality TV or family vacations ... They have no one to tell them of Jesus ... but they come running for love.  They are sure it exists somewhere.

Our pastor fell to his knees at the altar this morning and cried.  He prayed and cried.  He was so ashamed.  We all felt ashamed.  Selfish.  Greedy.  Swaziland Africa is a long ways away, but I guarantee you there is a Swaziland in Alabama.  A Swaziland in Kansas.  Wherever you are, there's a Swaziland. 

There are people who don't know love.

There are people who don't know Jesus.

There are children who are orphaned.

I have friends who aren't believers and refuse to know Jesus - they have the choice.  There are people in this world who don't know Jesus because no one has ever told them! 

This morning, we were asked to find our pulse.  Find yours.  Got it?

Every time your heart beats, someone dies. 

Every time your heart beats, someone will die and enter an enternity without Jesus.

Think about that ....

In the time it's taken me to write this post, thousands have died.  How many of those knew Jesus?  Statistics tell us not many.

In the time it's taken me to write this post, orphans have come running out of fields, bare foot, sick, hungry and scared ... looking for love.

I am a fool.  I refuse to sit idle any longer.  I refuse to sit on the sidelines while I have family members pushing Jesus out of their home and keeping Jesus from their children.  I refuse to sit by and let my friends go to hell. 

I refuse to not be used.

I got home from church, I started laundry and I praised God for running water, soap and a washing machine.

I started praying that God would use me. 

I started praying that adoption would be made financially simpler to those who can - both domestically and internationally.  There are millions of orphans in this world.  They should not be left without love because of $50,000.

I started praying for the baby in Swaziland Africa who's mother begged the woman who spoke this morning to take her baby with her because she was dying.  The little girl who sat in the dirt in a peach colored outfit with a big smile and a hopeful heart.

She's hiding in the field right now.

But I refuse to.

Whatever may pass and whatever lies before me
Let me be singing when the evening comes.